Sunday, 31 August 2014

Feeling frazzled and 100 years older


This sums it up really

Max starts school again on Wednesday, his anxiety levels have risen at the thought of this prospect where as I am giddy with excitement

The holidays have been long for him, I feel for children with autism plunging them in to 6 weeks of mayhem, because actually thats what it is, its so unfair.

Summer School - theres a thought, not for the whole of the 6 weeks but for some of it, familiar surroundings and faces, anyway like thats gonna happen as that would be far to child centred and logical

Maxs behaviours have been off the scale, he finds it so difficult. To give him credit he does try really hard to occupy his day but the only time of each day that really makes sense to him is dinner, bubbles and bath. Some days dinner has been at 3pm!!!

He has been skipping breakfast, having diet coke and cheese strings for lunch, now before you ll start wagging your fingers at me with the 'your the mum, you give him the food' he is completely frazzled in his head, his structure, the very thing that keeps him together and 'in place' has gone

I must just say Max has the best diet out of all my children ! he east really well, loves his food and thankfully doesnt only eat certain foods - its just the summer has upset his routine

This is not as easily rectified at home, he has a daily planner that i have on the fridge (he has thrown away most of my laminates for it breakfast & lunch!!

See the missing pictures!!! looks' a bit blank really 

Sadly, due to his high anxiety levels he refuses to go to any kind of day clubs out of home, he has even refused to go out with his 1-1 worker who comes every Sunday for 4 hours. He has been with us  every day for the whole holidays. I would love for him to get out and about but he point blank refuses, to the extent he tears off calendar pages if he sees activities written down
This makes for a very wound up 12yr old boy!

There have been a few traumas.... like he broke our bed in half from jumping like a trampoline , breaking his own toys, ripping up books, throwing food, juggling fruit, hitting, kicking, a disastrous shoe shop trip where he kicked out and screamed the shop down *insert "regular families continuing around you"

He has cost me a small fortune too, in itunes episodes of shows, amazon orders and food! Again, these 'treats' are usually used as reward for good behaviours and listening..... but I tend to buy extra things for him over the summer as it fills a gap in his day, the time where he isnt bored because he can watch something new. One bonus though was he discovered the Xbox! Reece wouldn't think so mind you as this is his 'baby' LOL, however I should probably be concerned that Max likes GTA ...... driving cars and blowing them up...... *insert eye roll here*

Sadly his behaviours have affected how he gets on whilst out, any one that knows Max will know his regular Saturday trip to pundland is a big part of his week, even this has become tricky. I think alot of his issues are borne of anxiety, he has been referred to a psychiatrist so lets see what the outcome of that is. I am generally not very patient with 'proffesionals' as they are strangers who do not know your child, there is no consistency in services, but as a family we have come to the realisation that Max needs help, more than we can give him. It our job to help him, to help with his anxiety to hope that it will allow him to enjoy his life a bit more????

When you see your younger children 'jumpy' around their brother because his behaviour can be so unpredictable its time to think of a plan B .....

Anyhow ... enough of the pitty party, I have had enough of these recently, and if Clive & I were married (Ssssh living in sin is the new married!!) we would have divorced, summer holidays magnify things so much more, the guilt that you cant do what everyone else does, that the other children miss out .... it goes on and on , oh and the why me always creeps in. To say 'I wouldnt change him for the world' well thats a pile of crap because I would wish a thousand wishes for Max not to have autism because its shit!

*and breath* ........

Tuesday night should be interesting, the night before school - this is a night where Max never sleeps until he can get in bed with me, he paces, up and down with his fingers in his ears, anxiety overload

So, I started the blog at the beginning of the holidays.... we made it (mostly) as I type Max is sat next to me sniffing my neck and touching a freckle on my shoulder.... sensory ?? MUCH !!!!

He is kicking me off the PC now as he needs a Fleetwood Mac & Supertramp fix

This was last nights music fix 

Thanks for reading, peace and love and all that jazz
see you on the other side, i'll make the tea if you bring the cake

Martina :-)

ps - thank you to my online buddies that have listened to me all summer

pps - im off to cook a roast dinner (maxs orders) and listen to Ed Sheeran !!!!

ppps -  have you watched Derek ?? Ricky Gervais ..... GENIUS!!!!


bye xx

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