Friday, 8 August 2014

Home in one piece.... kind of

So.... If you follow the MaxDout facebook page  you would have spotted some holiday snaps
We all went away to Wales and stayed in a lovely house nestled in the Brecon Beacons, we stayed there last year and had such a nice time we decided to go back again

Max always gets some holiday related anxiety, almost panic buying (he gets that from me!) this year he did however really seems to struggle with the whole change, this started on the journey there, we needed to make a few stops on the way to get more bubble liquid - he had 14 litres of the stuff already, we have gotten him down to 1 litre a day so we averaged 7 litres would do it but doubled up just incase!

However..... he bought a bag full of various bubbles before we could even leave the town centre to start the drive to Wales, oh and sweets, and walkers crisps and baby shampoo and drinks

Jeepers its endless!

I think this year Max found the whole holiday experience difficult, he over thought everything and found managing his days difficult. We tend not to do the 'usual' things people do when on holiday, mind you what do people usually do??

No trips out or meals in restaurants, it tends to end in some kind of disaster, we managed a trip to the Brecon Beacons where max blew his bubbles and the kids decided they wanted to fly their kites....
Max lasted 15mins and then sat in the back of the car screaming, this sounded great when the American tourists cycled past and stopped to chat to the kids about their kites (we have tinted windows on the car so no one can see in at the back) there was just the howling.... :-)
His 15mins on the Beacons!! 
Playing with Dad 

This year we had more kicking, screaming, hitting siblings, hitting objects, throwing things.

Seriously, they call it a holiday?? It is hard to know what to do, it is a 24hr a day 365 day s of the year  quest to help him, calm him and make him feel stress free and to keep him centred, its easy for him to go off balance even with all the planning and social stories in the world

What do you do? stay home, never go out or drive 4 hours to spend a fortune on a house where you stay in there only you police him all the time as he keeps getting up to mischief!?

Maybe I am having what I call a pity party!! woe is me and all that, but there were some moments where i really had had enough. There we a few 'grown up rows' I made a few SOS calls to friends on line (thank you, you know who you are)

Is it too much for him?

Yes probably

It wasn't really 7 days of trouble, more 6.5

Max's siblings had some goods times, building fires and building camps, I do think they are the most forgiving kids ever, as a parent it is hard to watch them miss out, or is that my perception of thinking they miss out, is spending time together enough? I wonder do they get the best of us as parents
Reece, Bailey & Evie built a den in the woods 

Bloody hell, I am having a pitty party!!!

Holidays with kids eh, easy peasy

Max thinks he is going on an aeroplane next year to go to a warm not hot place with a pool (his words), I wont go on but the last time we travelled on a plane with Max he had the mother of all meltdowns on the plane.... spent the 2hr flight locked in the toilet (insert shaking mother here and lots of passengers giving me 'that look' of god i feel so sorry for you !!! )

Trip to a Spanish hospital was needed for diazepam for the flight home - I said never again

BUT - I LOOKED AT VILLAS LAST WEEK!!!!!!!  Now I am thinking should I just take the other children on an all inclusive hotel holiday abroad, let them enjoy peace and normality (what is bloody normal anyway)

But the heart hurts at the thought of not going with Max, god guilt is a bitch sometimes

We are home now, Max completly lost the plot just as we go to our home town wanting to do loads of things - shopping trips and blowing bubbles at random shops, he is so consumed with anxiety and a bit of OCD, the car windows were nearly kicked, hes getting pretty feisty!
The only saving grace was his 2 VHS videos he ordered off Amazon whilst he was away had arrived - did you see that? yes Internet shopping whilst away .... more anxiety busting escapades, he needs his own wage cheque at the moment.
The stress of the journey got too much today 

Anyway, I don't mean for this post to sound really down, we love Max so much but this is the hardest job in the world, sometimes it is completely overwhelming and you question what the hell you are doing and if you are doing a crap job of it all

And breath.....

Right, I am signing off

Normal nonsense will resume tomorrow, I'm off to put on my big girl knickers and stop acting such a fool

Peace & love and headaches all round

M xx

Last night of Holiday bedtime selfie! 
(after max launched my phone across the room twice in the process)

'Courage is asking for time out
to shed a tear, to dust yourself off and then get back
in the ring to fight like you've never fought before'

its not really a fight!!  but saw this quote today and liked it  


  1. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I know that feeling! You have as many pity parties as you need. It's tough going and you are only human. Hang in there and stay strong xx

  2. I really feel for you all. Keep those chins up love and hugs x

  3. This has me really choked Mart. Bloody hell, think you are doing an amazing job birdy and you have a beautiful family xxxxx